Adiposeur

I Know Some People Think We Are Sexy

I know some people think we (fat women) are sexy.  Some of those people might not be good partners for a variety of reasons, but some of them are, and those some might get frustrated with us, fat women, because we don’t trust it.

Fat women especially are told all of our lives that we are undesirable, that we are disgusting, that no one will ever be attracted to us, no one will ever love us.  Can you blame us, then, for being suspicious of you when you tell us we’re beautiful?  Because of what we’ve been told all our lives, our initial reaction is that there must be something wrong with you.  Please don’t be offended by that.  It takes more than one (or even fifty) “you’re beautiful’s” to undo a lifetime of social programming that tells us no one “normal” will ever love us.

I know some people think we’re sexy.  I’ve had sex.  I’ve had quite a lot of sex, actually - there’s the proof.  But it’s only within the past few weeks that I’ve actually started looking at my own body and seeing its eroticism.  It’s not the same type of sexy that pop culture tells us is sexy, but my softness and my curves, and even the rolls of fat on my sides - those can be sexy.  Some people think they’re sexy - and now, I’m one of them.

Fat women - please try to teach yourselves this.  I know it takes time and it takes work to undo a lifetime of hurt, but whisper it to yourselves like a mantra.  Absorb it by osmosis, carry it close to your heart, learn to love your body.  Remember that some people think you’re sexy - not in spite of your body, but because of it.

Part II

Part II

Part I

Part I

Sunny and lumpy.

Sunny and lumpy.

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Believe it or not, I'm kind of turning myself on with this...

Believe it or not, I'm kind of turning myself on with this one.  ;)

I just wanted to thank you for the commentary you wrote alongside your submission to big belly babes. It really resonated with me! As a fat girl with small boobs and not a "cutesy" belly, I've also felt underrepresented, but I can't complain without striving to make a change! Thank you :)

You are quite welcome.  I feel honored that I was able to offer anyone even a modicum of comfort, so thank you!  <3

bigbellybabes: Sometimes I get cranky because I feel like I see...

bigbellybabes:

Sometimes I get cranky because I feel like I see so few representations of my body type in the fatosphere.  And then I realized if I wanted to see more of my body type, I might as well be the change I want to see in the world… or whatever.

Look!  This is mine!

Sorry for the absence.  I've been feeling pretty down...

Sorry for the absence.  I've been feeling pretty down lately, and it's been a struggle for me to snap any pictures that don't make me feel badly about myself.  This one, however… it makes me feel like I have powerful legs.  Which, of course, I do…

Forgive the quality.  It's pretty dark and icky this...

Forgive the quality.  It's pretty dark and icky this morning - terrible light for webcam photos.  But my butt looks pretty cute, so I think that makes up for it.

I think you have a wonderful body and I definitely love it.

Why, thank you  :)

Tummy/titty/whatever Tuesday, I guess.

Tummy/titty/whatever Tuesday, I guess.

There is nothing wrong with a double belly, if anything I like them. I think my opinion may be bias. I liked your post explaining your motivation, it gives good direction and purpose, something I didn't do. I hope maybe one day I can blog a video of you. and my question is...erm...where you from (i installed Google analytic to my site, I'm obsessed by how international the FA world is)

Hello there.  Thanks for giving credence to my double belly - it thanks you.  I don't know about doing videos - I hadn't really considered it.  Maybe one day.  And I'm from the US.

Though I do feel I need to make it clear that when I say FA, I mean fat acceptance or fat activism.  I have no problem with fat admirers, it's just not how I identify.  :)

Hi new followers :)

Hi new followers :)

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What is the point of all of this?

I suppose “all of this” isn’t a particularly apt phrase, considering I’ve posted two photos, but nevertheless, I feel it’s an important question to answer.

I’ve been reading about FA for several years now, and have even become fairly active in the community.  To be honest, however, the self-acceptance aspect of the movement never really appealed to me.  I was glad, and remain glad, that so many people - women especially - are able to find self-acceptance through it and have rejected socially-mandated standards of beauty to make a truce with their bodies, and even to love them.

However, I’m not much of a sentimental person, nor am I spiritual.  I’m probably pragmatic to a fault, so the “love yourself” message never really worked for me.  It feels kind of “touchy-feely.”  I don’t really do “touchy-feely.”  So for years, I operated thinking that it was great if other people could love their bodies.  In fact, I love their bodies, too.  I find fat bodies extremely attractive.  I would consider fat bodies my “type,” even.

But for myself… it just wasn’t clicking.  I find other fat bodies beautiful, but I thought mine was lumpy.  My tits are too pendulous, my double-belly is unattractive, and my mons is too flabby.  I felt like I saw so many fat bodies in various states of undress, but none that looked like mine.  Now, I don’t think I’m so unique that no one on earth shares my body type, so the only conclusion I came to is that my body type is ugly, and that it should be hidden.

And then, I started having a lot of anxiety about being naked in front of a potential lover, who was well aware of my involvement in FA, and even supportive of it.  But I couldn’t get over my fears, and it fizzled out, much to my chagrin.

So I decided that it was high time that I started feeling comfortable with my body, and the method I came up with normalization.  I figured I’d take pictures of myself naked, and look at them, and see how I felt about them.  And yes, I’d post them on Tumblr, and if someone wanted to tell me I was beautiful, I’d allow that to bolster my confidence, too.  Is it attention-seeking behavior?  Perhaps.  But frankly, I’m tired of hating my body, I’m tired of my sex-life being crippled by that hate, and it’s time for me to stop being so insecure and frightened.

For the time being, I have no intention of photographing my face, because I still need to hold a job and I’m of the opinion that things like that have the potential to bite you in the ass.  Additionally, I’m no photographer.  The point of these photos is not to be artistically brilliant, though I do a little bit of editing because I do have a touch of artistic sensibility.  I just want to look at my naked body.  And, obviously, since I’m putting it up on the internet, you’re more than welcome to look, too.

Additionally, I’m willing to take requests, criticism, or praise, because I feel like that’s going to help me, too.  Yes, even the criticism.  I might as well learn how to stand up for myself while I’m at it.